Taking Care Of Your Car: What Can YOU Do?
For many people, summer is a time of vacations and long trips to family reunions. But while that might be good news for you, it can be bad news for your car, which must endure the hours of driving at very warm temperatures. Luckily, there are a few secret mechanic's tips out there to keep your automobile running smoothly. The Enduring Vision has none of these. Instead, enjoy our list of what you can do to take care of your car.
- Keep gas tank cool with occasional ice cube
This tip is mostly common sense, as ice cubes are great tools for keeping things cold and you don't want your car to get too hot, but we figured we'd include it anyway. Bonus tip: give yourself an ice cube at the same time as your car for a cool summer treat!
- Replace sticky rubber tires with reliable plastic ones
When rubber gets hot, it sticks all over the road, and will eventually cause you to get stuck somewhere. Avoid this by installing plastic tires on your car, which are unfazed by heat. Note: if you're having trouble finding these tires, look on children's car and truck toys.
- Install "No Smoking" sign in engine
Your car will stop its rude smoldering in a second when it realizes that it's doing something illegal. Also consider loudly complaining that your asthma is acting up because of all the smoking some inconsiderate cars are doing.
- Get your car "used" to summer by mixing in some sand with gas
You can't just spring summer on your car. Make sure the car knows what's coming by feeding it a little summer sand from the beach. Sand from sandboxes also works, but not as well.
- Refrain from giving car oil
Oil is black and disgusting, and is constantly getting on the road and making Mother Earth look bad. Why would you put this in your car?
- Consider replacing combustion engine with safer "hamster engine"
Several hamsters running on a conveyor belt can give you almost the same power as a more conventional car, and also are much less likely to burst into flames, or cost you thousands of dollars to replace. Rats are an acceptable substitute, but beware that their superior intellect means that they could eventually rise up and turn against you by deliberately crashing the car.
- Sternly discipline car when it acts badly
Many cars can be cured of their sputtering or bad ignitions by a good talking to. Don't let your car think that it can get away with that crap. If necessary, a light smack on the fender or hood will let it know who is in control.
- Install wacky, silly bumper stickers
Bumper stickers considerably improve your car's performance. Invest in several dozen of them for optimal results.
- Watch Pee Wee's Great Adventure
This killer movie about an overgrown boy and his quest to get his bike back will teach you an important lesson about the road: don't trust that spoiled kid Francis, because he will eventually steal your bike.
- Use headlights only in emergencies
Powering two bright lights is tough on your battery and engine, and hurts other drivers' eyes. Only use them if you think you might be getting near a deer, or if you need to see whether you're still on the road or not.