Bush Plans 9-11 Reenactment To Raise Waning Patriotism
In light of recent studies that show patriotism in America on the decline, President Bush announced today that on this year's one year anniversary of the World Trade Center being attacked, there will be a massive "reenactment" of the event in order to make Americans "fully aware and patriotic."
Bush explained the complete details of his plan at a press conference this morning.
"I look around our great nation here, and I am troubled," he said, his brow furrowing sadly. "Why am I troubled? Because of the Flag Count."
The "Flag Count", the President explained, is a means of gauging the level of patriotism in the United States.
"To see how patriotic the citizens of our nation are at any given time, we simply do a Flag Count, wherein we count all of the flags visible on people's houses, clothing, and automobiles," said the President. "Unfortunately, when a Flag Count was taken last week, the results showed that patriotism in America is an all-time low, from the time period of September 11th, 2001, until the time of the count."
While some analysts suggested to the President that this might be due to the uncertainty of the economy right now, amongst other things, Bush said that he knew what "real" the problem was.
"You can blame it on the economy all you want," Bush said with a dismissive wave of his hand, "but the fact of the matter is, patriotism is down because people have forgotten about 9-11."
With "Plan: Reenactment", as it's being called, no one will "ever forget" the terrorist attacks, "even the slightest bit".
"I knew that just a day of silent tribute to the event would not raise patriotism enough," Bush said. "Sure, we'd see a few flags on that day, and maybe even further into the week, but eventually you'd get what you're seeing right now. So you see, my fellow Americans, I knew that something much bigger had to be done."
And what is "something bigger"? The "complete reconstruction" of the twin towers, for starters.
"Those towers are going to stand exactly how they did one year ago," proclaimed the President with a smile. "And then we're going to fly planes into them!"
Bush said that the planes used to destroy the rebuilt-buildings would be of the same make and model that the originals were, adding to the realism.
"Everything will be right, exactly down to the detail," he said, beaming proudly. "It's going to be beautiful."
Of course, no one will be harmed in this "attack"; Bush said he considered it, but decided that such a measure would be "counterproductive".
"I don't think anyone needs to die here," he said. "The buildings crashing again should be quite enough. Hell, we can even throw down some mannequins beforehand, so the firefighters can rescue them from the rubble, just like in the old days of last year."
Still, even with all of the components of his plan divulged, some are still against it. But luckily, those people were silenced when they realized that the "war on terrorism" is essentially the same principle.