Hu's On First In Bush-League Talks, Say Analysts
In a stunning blow to President Bush’s otherwise stellar foreign policy, the meeting of President Hu of China and Bush last week is being called "excruciating", with several insulting gaffes occurring throughout the mind-melding sequence.
From the White House announcer incorrectly calling Wu's country "the Republic of China" to Bush attempting to get a bewildered-looking Hu to say "Me ruv you rong time", the visit was awkward and counter-productive, say some.
"This news makes me feel like buying cheap counterfeit merchandise," said one outraged Chinese citizen.
In addition, Hu's fluency in English caused communication obstacles during high level talks between Hu and Bush. The American President has required a translator to help him understand Hu's correct English, and Hu has needed several translators to help him with the U.S. President's butchered grammar and syntax.
"I had some difficulty with 'whatchagotchair,'" Hu explained. "But after my translators explained, I understood perfectly."
Due to the awkward proceedings, many now say that the U.S. is at a disadvantage in urging China to alter some of its behavior, and that the country is now at a first-place position over the U.S., a situation that puzzled Bush, who had already forgotten the names of Hu and his aides.
"If Hu is on first," the President pondered in a closed-door meeting, "and what is on second, I don't know what is on third."
"That's what we're trying to find out," said a flustered Donald Rumsfeld, attempting to do reconnaissance work on China. "You're the President and you don't know the names of these foreign officials?"
"Well...I should," admitted Bush.
"Then who's the President?" Rumsfeld exploded, to which a brow-furrowing Bush replied, "Yes?"
Now, China may argue more strongly against initiatives that the U.S. would like to see it undertake, such as floating its currency.
"If we floated our currency," President Hu explained, "then we might have to start paying our workers a decent wage."
He went on to say that China is currently in negotiations to purchase the entire United States with the extra income gained by using its fixed currency to pay low wages, but "we want to run them into the ground a little bit more first, so the price will be cheaper."
In an effort to downplay Hu's diplomatic success, Karl Rove and his minions have accused Hu of cowardice during the Vietnam War, despite Hu claiming that he was not involved in the war.
"Exactly," countered Rove.
Vice President Dick Cheney, meanwhile, had suggestions for Hu in light of his apparent diplomatic success.
"I think I really ought to take him duck hunting," Cheney murmured. "It's high time little Mr. Yellow Peril took one on the chin."