Dead U.S. Soldiers Overwhelmingly Against Gay Marriage

The 551 U.S. servicemen killed so far in Iraq were overwhelmingly against gay marriage, a study released today says.

The survey, conducted by conservative think tank A Bigger Tomorrow, reached its results through extensive interviews with friends and family of the deceased.

"For example, the mother of deceased soldier John Tamber recalled that her son was not a big fan of eating fruit," says one of the many examples from the report. "This clearly indicates that Mr. Tamber does not like 'fruits', or homosexuals."

According to the results of the study, 79% of the deceased soldiers thought that "marriage is a sacred institution." 12% thought that "marriage is not a sacred institution," and the views of the remaining 9% expressed that "marriage is a special thing, but not special in the homosexual way".

The White House is "pleased" with the findings, said press secretary Scott McClellan.

"This a very important point," McClellan said. "Our brave, patriotic, freedom-loving, brave dead U.S. soldiers have spoken, and it's clear they were against the possibility of strangers to do what they want to in terms of their legal and civil rights."

A survey of the opinions of the civilian and military dead on the Iraqi side was not available at press time, as it is not U.S. policy to do body counts, so the number and location of Iraqi dead is unknown. This makes it impossible to even begin interviews, which would have to be in a foreign,"inferior" language, said McClellan.

"Plus, going into Iraqi areas is scary," he added.

Historically, the findings fit a pattern of sorts; the dead in the Spanish American War were overwhelmingly against reform for blacks and voting rights for women, just as the U.S. dead in the Black Hawk War of 1832 all generally thought that masturbation leads to blindness.

The opinions of the dead soldiers also represent a marked difference from the Afghanistan U.S. military dead, many of whom were open to the possibility of U.S. states accepting homosexuals' right to civil union, and all the legal and social benefits that go with it.

Many Americans, however, tend to side with the views expressed by the dead soldiers, as The Enduring Vision found out through interviews.

Shel Buffalo, a North Dakota teenager, said, "It is wrong for people who are the same sex to marry. Because it's wrong."

After a moment of silence to allow him to elaborate, Buffalo added, "Um. Penises into anuses, that's just not right, that's just an abomination. Also, no penises at all. This is also wrong."

Florida man Mark Larkenton said, "67% percent of U.S. teenagers killed in car accidents in the last year thought gay marriage was wrong and that it was highly likely that Saddam Hussein had WMDs."

Asked what that meant, Larkenton said it "didn't matter".

"Leave me alone. I'm smarter than you and I don't deserve this," he said.

At Forward Operating Base Gabe near Baquba, Iraq, when asked whether the mood at the base is a conservative one, PFC Scott S. Miller said, "I would say the mood is one of depression and fear, yeah. Because you know, we're being killed for absolutely no reason, indefinitely."

Asked to clarify, he said, "Gay marriage is wrong."

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