Grade Schooler Blames Liberal Bias For Poor Grade On Essay 'Lazy-Fair Economics'
Toby Thompson of Lakewood Middle School claims a "classic academemic [sic] liberal bias" is to blame for the paltry C-minus grade given to his social studies essay, titled: "Lazy-Fair Economics: Why Governments Shouldn't Interfere in the Marketplace."
The low grade, the eight grader says, is only proof that he was getting close to the truth, just as his father -- who is cited in the paper's bibliography as a primary source -- warned he might.
"Lazy-fair economics is when government doesn't watch over businesses -- which is the 'lazy' part -- and businesses thrive, which is 'fair'," said the juvenile economist. "I didn't get a bad grade because my paper is wrong, but because Mrs. Burris doesn't like people who support the free market system, like me and my Dad."
Burris, however, claims that her personal "raging liberal beliefs" had nothing to do with her assessment of the paper, and that Toby's grade could have been higher had he remembered to double-check his facts and terminology.
"I understand that it's easy for a 13 year-old to mistake laissez-faire for 'lazy-fair'," said Burris, "but Toby omitted completely any mention of the Great Depression, and said that James Keynes, in addition to being a famous economist with flawed ideas, was also distantly related to [progressive metal band] Tool's lead singer James Maynard Keynan. It was not 'A' material."
Although supporters of the essay, such as Thompson's mother, had high praise for the portions of the work that quoted Thompson's father quoting himself at an earlier dinner table conversation, Burris claims that at least one source of information has to come from something besides a family member in order to receive full credit.
"If Toby's father is on Wikipedia anywhere, then he might have something," added Burris.
Not all agree. While Thompson's father admits that some typos and misprints were made due to "my son being very tired when he wrote it because he worked two shifts earlier that day", he noted that other students with points of view different from his son's received generally higher marks.
"If he had written an essay titled 'Keynes and Socialism Will Save the World', then he would have received an A+, even though it would have been all wrong," said the elder Thompson. "Instead, he supported a controversial idea, and supported it well, with examples of how our family struggles to make ends meet because of the government taxing us left and right, and his grandfather being forced to sell his contracting business because of all the anti-business laws you see nowadays."
"As far as I'm concerned, the teacher insulted our family, our forefathers, and our entire economic system with this poor grade."
Thompson further stated that he was proud of his son, and that he would take him out for ice cream as soon as the free market builds a bypass near their remote rural location; the family refuses to drive on state-owned roads out of principle.
The Thompsons have appealed the paper's grade to the school board, which will petition the government for bailout money to sponsor a trip to Universal Studios Theme Park, the place where the board says it does its best arbitrating.