Letters: April 27, 2009

A few choice selections from your letters this week, including one from a staff family member! Surprised that our own flesh and blood reads The Enduring Vision? So are we! We didn't know they could read. Kidding, kidding! We come from fine stock.

Some Love...And It's Not Even Sarcastic!

You guys are comic geniuses. John Stewart and Stephen Colbert should be calling you guys to get you on their writing staff, even though you're better than them. You make fun of everyone; the left gets it just as much as the right and everyone in between. Plus, I feel really smart when I understand the jokes. Good shit! - Scott Lawson

Josh: Many thanks, Scott! And if you are by any chance friends with Jon Stewart and/or Stephen Colbert, please tell them we'd be happy to accept a buyout offer for $5 and a few White Castle gift cards.

Luckily, We Got Some Hate, Too.

Your own comments that Carrie's veiws are "terrible" speaks to your own biased intolerant views. - Andy

Josh: We're frankly relieved to hear you say that; it means that only intolerant people can criticize the views of others, no matter how insane they may be. Consequently, we'd like to invite you to read our new forthcoming feature, "How Minorities Are Ruining Space Travel For The Rest Of Us".

But...You Can't...

I am proud to finally see someone stand up for their Christian beliefs. A gay man should not have been judging a Miss U.S.A. Pageant in the first place. If more Christians would take a stand, the world would not be in the mess it is in now. I am praying for nothing but success for Miss Prejean and for Mr. Hilton to recognize the error of his ways before it is eternally too late. - Gary Stinnett

Josh: This letter appears to be referring to a certain article of ours, but that article does not mention homosexuality at all. Gary, you must be talking about a different Miss USA pageant. Thanks for writing!


Regarding Miss USA's stupid views, I find it typical of the liberal press to blow such things out of proportion, while totally glossing over the really salient points she also expressed: 1) Agreed with Sarah Palin that using anal sex as birth-control doesn't make you gay....unless you're a dude, too. "Opposite" anal sex is OK with God. 2) Believes life begins not at conception, but when her husband gets a boner. In fact, she's buying baby clothes right this moment. 3) Dinosaurs weren't on the Ark because they were "gassy". And gay. If you're going to go through all the trouble to mock a perfectly sex-able but disturbingly clueless woman, at least get the facts straight! - Kilroy

Josh: Nice try, Kilroy, but it's common knowledge that only gay people can type the words "a*al s*x" without having an aneurysm. Good luck, I hope you don't try and get married.


Who gives a fuck about dead pirates. Kill more of them until they get the message. Shit mother fuckers they are. - minny mouse

Josh: Has someone ever described the plot of a movie or the sound of a band's latest album to you? If so, I have something to tell you. You're a pirate. Wow, huh?

Even Online Jerks Like Me Have Family.

Geraldine sounds AWFULLY familiar. Maybe we will enjoy a jesus-free easter next year. - Your loving sister

Josh: Did I tell you that Geraldine tried to friend me on Facebook? It was completely horrifying.

In Other News

Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

Even More Shit:



The Beast

RSS Feed

Paying The Bills: