Letters: June 3, 2010

We once promised to answer your letters in a more timely manner. That was obviously a lie, or more accurately, a "trick promise", designed to see if you trust us. From now on, we will definitely answer them faster.

Uncalled For.

you have fucking issues, dude. get some help - Will

Josh: Come on, now, there's no need for that kind of language. I think we've all been at a point where the slowness of our computers caused us to bite through our fucking monitors.

Procrastination Over Forever? Maybe Later...

Here's a surefire way to stop procrastinating. Take a picture of yourself now, in your 20's. Put it in a drawer and sit on your ass for exactly ten years. On the anniversary of the picture, take it out and look at it. Look in the mirror. Now get off your fat ass and do something! Problem solved. - Kilroy

Josh: What happens if you are in your 20s, but still look like hell and never do anything? I'll tell you what happens: you're ahead of the game.

Some Love About...WHat?

(: Like the comics. At first when I came onto your site, I saw the text message article and I was just like....you're kidding me, but that's normal.. and then I found out more about you guys. Nice site, it's funny. - Kat

Josh: Oh yeah, we used to make comics!

Can The EV Slander Itself? Questions Answered!

I think ur a total Nob. Nice try, but I can see through this thinly disguised "Jazz music" story! We all know this is slightly about illegal immigration, but what some uninformed may not realize, is that this is actually a full out slandering of staff member Scott W, and his terrible inability to play the trumpet. you sir have very little class, and i hope you meet a fate worse than HRRRRRRRRNG!! - John Winthrop

Josh: Despite the fact that the person who wrote this story has never met Scott W., you're right. However, I submit that you're a total Nob, and HNNNRRAAHHTTT.

The Story Of The Man Who Wasn't Gay, But Then Was

Might ask psychologist George Rekers if he would enlist in the military to serve "changing gay people straight" using his patented "reverse-pelvic-thrust-deep-penetration technique"...over and over again as many times as it takes. - kilroy

Josh: How could you say that? Dr. Rekers obviously just hired that young man for baggage duties. How would you like it if someone implied that you were gay every time you went to rentboy.com?

Oh, It's The Guy From U2, Not The Other Bono

If my back wasn't all fucked up, I'd kick your asses for calling U2 a bunch of hacks. I'm the soul of the "one world" movement...which is a lot like a bowel movement with fancier glasses. - Bono

Josh: I don't know which is worse: "Bono" or "The Edge". At least with The Edge, you could constantly insert his name into sentences as you talked, and make him really irritated. Like, "Hey, you really edged out other guitarists with that solo!" Then he'll know what it's like to grow up with a name that's also a verb, and believe me, I am not joshing him on this.

In Other News

Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

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