Letters: October 11, 2009

Only a few letters made it into this highly-anticipated update, but one of them could be from President Barack Obama! (We can only assume that when writing to websites, he would use an alias.) See what the President (possibly) has to say by reading on!

We Kill Our Readers (By Being So Awesome).

You are absolutely killing me. How the F am I supposed to read all the back issues when you're still posting new ones!?! I've literally been putting in hours to read all this. By the way, SkyNet, awesome pull. Who would've though to quote an obscure television reference like the Sarah Connor Chronicles. What? SkyNet was in a real movie? I don't even believe it. In conclusion, who is this Kanye West I've been hearing so much about? Love, - Clint

Josh: I think Kanye West and SkyNet might be the same thing. Also, your foster parents are dead.

We Ruin Our Readers' Educations (By Being So Awesome).

I'm so happy you're back! Now I can waste more time in class reading fun articles! :D - Michelle

Josh: Uh, our articles are not fun. They are very serious. Please stop enjoying this site.


I can relate to yur piece on not thinking aobut sex enough. A few years (ago) before I was institutionalized, I also had the problem of "sexual indifference". I had a hot girlfriend, who had a hot roommate and regular sex, three or four times a night. To spice things up, there was an occasional three-way, an orgy during the holidays and even made a soft porn film during the summer before graduation. Little did I know I was suffering from low libido. That's when my roommate prescribed a regiment of meth and 7th street hookers. I was cured in no time...that is until I woke up with a hooker that looked like Barbra Striesand... [Okay, that's enough. It goes on like this for like 10 more pages - Ed.] - Crazy Ted

Josh: Mr. President, is that you?!

What, Part Deux.

His Gatorade looked funny...what does a footballing, canine-killing ex-con eat anyway? - Mrs. Pnitpikar

Josh: Did you even read the article? It's obvious that Michael Vick can only feed on one thing: innocent animals who love him.

A Popular Question That We Don't Want To Get Too Popular...

Do you accept submissions? - Like five different people this week

Josh: This question gets asked a lot, but to make our lives easier, we don't like to advertise the answer too well on the website -- we've found that even mentioning that we sometimes under strict cirumstances take submissions really opens the floodgates to all manner of, uh, interesting (i.e., stupid) articles.

So here's the deal: as mentioned above, there are occasions where we accept reader submissions. In fact, just this past week we ran a reader story that we quite liked. But be aware that we reject soooooo many more submissions than we publish. So, so many. That means the odds are against you, so don't take it too personally if we tell you no, or if we tell you yes, and then hack your article up with our awesome editing. If you're cool with all that, drop us a line and tell us what you have in mind.

In Other News

Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

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