Letters: March 3, 2010

That's right: it's our monthly celebration of the millions of people who send us letters. Out of those, only a few ever get printed, because most people, when faced with writing something the internet, are struck blind, dumb, and barely literate.

Slaves, And Why They're Important To This Person.

Hellz, ess bout tahm wea git this here communistical non-Amerikan slahv ownur outta this hear White House! Whah yu thenk they calls et thuh 'White House - Dittoheadzzzz

Josh: Ladies and gentlemen, the new host of Fox & Friends.

In Rememberance Of President Slaverton.

To be fair, Slavey Slaverton was my fav President. Remember when he ordered that hit on MLK? Classic Slaverton. - Clint

Josh: I personally loved his third through ninth terms, when he refused to leave office.

When Your Computer Is Just Too Fucking Slow.

I know how you feel because my fuckin old laptop is problobaly slower.It wouldn't load jack shit,so one day i fucked its monitor up by spraying ''Slow''with a can of spray paint,then smashin out the whole fucking monitor,and threw the peice of shit in the trash the next morning.If you're wondering how i can still type its because i'm on another fucking slow one! - Howard

Josh: But why would your new computer be slow? Probably because it runs Windows Vista. Ha ho, the ball's in your court, Microsoft!

More Pictures, Less Things That Are Assembled With Letters.

yea i think this site can use more pictures to make the website and page more interesting to look at - rebecca brown

Josh: You could argue that this entire site is a picture being displayed on your computer screen. And I will argue that.

Playing The 'R' Card.

While I applaud your egalitarian effort at racial equality, I ask you this: when is WHITE History Month? I feel a little left out. No one to appreciate my cultural roots (Scotish/German/Italian with a little bit of Welsh). No special acknowledgement of WHITE accomplishments (building the southern economy through slavery, expanding the borders through native American Genocide). Skillfully keeping blacks out of basketball for decades, perserving it's pure roots before contamination by "slam-dunkism". Those are no small feats, my friend. So where's my month? My racist black friends jokingly say we have a month: it's called TRUCK MONTH. Seriously, if I were to utter something as racist to them...I'd probably get my ass kicked...but just the same, why do you embrace "their" month and not demand one of your own? - Angry White Bob

Josh: White people are commemorated daily on the delightful WhiteWhine.com, which, in my opinion, is much better than any crummy old month filled with pandering Coca-Cola commercials ever could be. Whites win again!

A Serious Question (WHAAAAATTT?).

Why are there still Clinton jokes and few Obama jokes? Is a white ex-president more satire worthy than a sitting black one? I don't really want an answer, just to make you squirm. - Kilroy

Josh: Regardless of how you feel about his politics, I think most people would agree that President Obama the person is difficult to caricature; he doesn't have the tendancy to mangle the English language of his predecessor, nor the uncontrollable sexual wiles of Mr. Clinton. That hasn't stopped us from making lots of jokes at his administration's expense, of course.

Whoa, A Goth Gary Letter!?

to gary....you have issues, your iether an old pathetice morron or a kid who thinks his had a hard and painfull life when realy your a poor rich little basterd who wishes he had a life.... - della

Josh: ...OR, an old rich guy who wishes he had a life. Wait, he's not that, either. He's real Gothick Magikian.

Racism: When Is It Not Really Racism?

This post is rubbish and racist. What a tool the writer must be! - Edward Nygma

Josh: Out of all of our stories that could be misconstrued as racist, you pick that one? For your own sake, I hope you've left the site by now.

Out With A Whale-Sized Letter.

killer whales aren't dangerous they don't belong in a bathtub for profit. they are tortured and you wonder why they lash out? Hey Sea World stop exploiting these animals for the buck. Killer whales are a supreme killer that will kill a great white at will. They are so unbelievable thick. That's what blows people away is how dense they are and compact. What a wonderful athlete to be locked in a cage. They can do backflips, arch their backs, balance themselves all in a 5 ton body. They hit a great white and in breaks in half upon impact. Their 3 times heavier than a great white and not much longer. They swim so fast what it feels like is getting hit by a TRUCK- they combine all these athletic skills with a high iq. They are unbeatable in the wild and that's where god intended them to be. - matt alfano

Josh: So...killer whales aren't dangerous, but on the other hand, they're actually extremely dangerous?

In Other News

Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

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