Historians Discover That Slave Owners Once Lived In Current Obama Family Home
Politics News, 02/08/10 - Black History Month is a time when Americans consider the contributions of African Americans, but a shocking announcement today has stopped the celebration: the revelation that President Obama lives in a house once occupied by slave owners.
Now, activists and supporters of the President are outraged at what's being called a "terrible oversight" by the nation's first black President. | Read more
Area Man Is Such A Cool, Interesting Nerd
Technology News, 02/04/10 - Local man Steven Cooke recently proclaimed himself a nerd on his blog, inviting friends, family, and online pals into his "strange -- yet neat, fun, and maybe even a little interesting ;) -- little world." | Read more
Activists Seek To Retard Use Of 'Retarded'
Politics News, 02/03/10 - "I thought that I was expressing disgust at a regressive idea," he said in a press conference today. "Big mistake. Turns out I hate the mentally disabled." | Read more
Area Man Masturbates Loudly To Convince Neighbors He's Always Getting Laid
U.S. News, 02/02/10 - Ted Stanza says he is most likely known to his neighbors next door as "that guy who always has threesomes with hot chicks." | Read more
Your Letters Answered: February 1, 2010
Letters, 02/01/10 - It's the first letters edition of 2010! But will the sheer terror some of them invoke in us make it the last? Read on to find out...if you dare. Note: please also read if you do not dare. | Read more
Ghost Of J.D. Salinger To Sue, Haunt Any Paper That Publishes News Of Reclusive Writer's Death
Arts & Culture News, 01/29/10 - As reclusive in death as in life, J.D. Salinger has refused to allow the press to acknowledge that the writer died of natural causes. | Read more
Internet Enraged By iPad's Name; Product Failure Imminent; Steve Jobs Found Dead By Own Hand
Technology News, 01/28/10 - The nightmare ended with Apple co-founder Steve Jobs hanging from an iPhone data cord in his hotel room. | Read more
Nations Pledge Corrugated Metal Shacks, Dirt Roads To Restore Haiti To Pre-Earthquake State
World News, 01/27/10 - The U.N. today vowed to do everything in its power to return the nation to its former glory as the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. | Read more
Site News: 2003 News Archives Fully Restored
Site News, 01/27/10 - We're proud to announce that our complete news archives from the year 2003 -- minus all the stories that we now realize were stupid -- are back online for your viewing pleasure! | Read more
